For a while now, I’ve tried to find ways of dealing with my problems or confronting them, or even just having them disappear. The way I did that, and choose to do that, is by drinking.

There have been, a couple of times, where I looked myself in the mirror, and said no more! And I stuck by it, for a short time.

I believe that I have become an alcoholic.

I’m at home, alone, bored….so I drink.

I have a shitty day at work, so I drink.

I have an awesome day, therefor, I drink.

It has to stop.

My drinking habit, has caused a lot of damage, to not only myself, but to relationships with friends and my family.

Things need to change!

Ever since getting part time, I’ve gone the entire week without working, working weekends, and making double what I was making as a full time. It was good, but it has its downfalls. As I’ve discussed before, I work with a lot of sexists and I don’t get enough credit for all the work I do.

I’m taken for granted and shitted on, a lot. One of my managers, Jack, is probably one of the most caring men ever. I am sick today, and I don’t want to go home because I know that this is the last piece of financial stability that I will have. He forced me to eat soup, and made sure I had a trash can, if I needed to vomit. He’s been chasing me around asking if I’m OK. It’s nice, and really means a lot to me. I know it’s stupid to some of you, but the little things really matter to me.

Anyways, I need to figure my life out. I need a new job, preferably something in my medium; communications, writing, photography, and I need it soon.

Being that I pay so much money in loans a month, I’m debating whether I should just go back to school and obtain my Master’s like I had originally planned. I’d like to go for Art and teach Photography at a college.

My other alternative, which has been what I wanted for as long as I could remember, is working at a magazine. NYLON has been the number one for a long time, and I just can’t seem to get my foot in the door. If I go back to school, I can intern and make my way through there.

I’m just so confused and stressed and nervous about what the fuck I’m going to do. Should I study abroad? Should I move to Portugal and find something there? California has always been a dream of mine, should I try it out and make it work?

I love New York, and fuck man, I’ve always wanted to be a part of it, but there just doesn’t seem to be anything working out for me here. Maybe I’m just not looking hard enough?

Patient, that’s what I need to be. And just HOPE for the best.

Wish me luck guys, my life is about to get hectic once again.